a birth story,... almost two years later

It was the first time I listened to Garrison Keillor in several months (*this post is being written two years after the fact via memory - which is probably hazy on some details - I have a handwritten journal somewhere but I can't bring myself to find it. I should also give thanks to greenstylemom for hosting a birth story carnival and finally inspiring me to put this to paper).

Morning after Thanksgiving, 2005, first day of my vacation, one week before my due date. And I had PLANS for that week - I knew too many people who had early babies recently so I wasn't really expecting to get more than a week but at least a few days. Lots of stuff to do, get the house clean, maybe do some unpacking from the garage, do some christmas shopping with my friend Wendy, freeze a bunch of meals, pick out some birth announcements, make the birthing center dinner, make the birthing cds, etc. etc.

So it was 9am, I had slept in and was listening to the daily author note/poem when I suddenly felt a wetness. First thought - Did I just pee myself? Oh, that's weird. Oh, wait, that's not pee! I jump out of bed, call (in a slightly panicked voice) to Steve and come down the stairs. He meets me with a concerned look and I tell him my water broke. He says "yah, that's great, we're going to have a baby!". I say, nooo, I'm not ready. He says, "well, it's a bit late for that."

We call the midwife, she tells us that contractions will probably start in an hour or two and that I should just have a quiet morning and she'd talk to us in a few hours. I think I spent a good portion of the morning making mix CDs of "music to birth by." We had only moved into our house three weeks earlier and most of our furniture was still in storage - just one small card table in the kitchen and our small couch in the living room (plus bed upstairs). Construction was still going on - some on the inside, some on the outside with shingling. I don't remember if there was work scheduled on that Friday or not. I seem to remember that Steve asked Rob the carpenter to either work outside or not work on that day once my water broke.

A bit about my birthplace .... I had chosen an independent birthing center, at the suggestion of the nurse practioner I had been seeing. It seemed like a good idea, since I had been in a hospital exactly twice, both times to visit Steve's parents when they were dying. We did tour the birth wing at one local hospital and found it underwhelming, compared to the experience that seemed to be offered at the birth center. There were two midwives that shared a practice to support births at this center. I saw them alternately throughout my pregnancy. There were also birth classes as well as breastfeeding and other classes.

So, with that background, I don't remember the afternoon but in the evening, when nothing had yet happened, we checked in with the midwife, decided to go see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. We had tried to see it on the previous afternoon (movies on holidays are a tradition in my family) but one mile from our house, the subaru was already slipping in the 1/2 inch of unplowed snow/rain, so we turned around and returned home. Later that day, we joined Wendy and kids for a thanksgiving dinner. I made cranberries and a fruit punch with pineapple, ginger ale, and tonic water. I later learned that tonic water contains quinine, which is also classified as a class-c drug for pregnant women. While it seems unlikely that it could actually induce labor, it always made me wonder. After the movie, we went to Shaw's and bought some rather random food that I thought I might want, filled the prescription for Ambien because the midwife thought I should take it to be sure to get a good night's sleep. I'm uncertain whether I actually took it that night.

Slept fine that night. When nothing had happened the next morning, we went in to check-in with the midwife. She did a VERY quick manual check (later learned it was because of concern of introducing infection) and checked the baby's signs. Everything looked good. She didn't seem particularly concerned that it was already 24 hours past my water breaking (the typical point at which interventions would start in a hospital-supervised birth). She sent us on our way, suggesting that we stick around the area rather than drive back up to Brunswick, and gave us some suggestions about how to kick-start things (I don't remember what they were - except for one - coming up later). We did some errands, including some rug shopping. I remember thinking that it was very surreal to be shopping for rugs and carpet options while knowing that we would have a baby within just a short time.

By this time, I was having occasional cramps but they were sporadic, could barely be timed and felt like menstrual cramps. We had take-out Indian food that evening and I'm not sure how we spent the rest of the evening (making more CDs? watching TV - did we have the TV yet? reading a book?).

I do know we took a walk in the dark before dinner around the neighborhood and we ran into Mike and Finn taking a walk. Finn was singing "twinkle, twinkle, little star" (he was almost exactly the same age that Sawyer is now, and Sawyer also sings it frequently). We hadn't told anyone in the neighborhood that my labor had started because I didn't want the attention especially since we didn't know when it would actually start. I especially didn't want to say anything to Mike b/c I knew, as an ER doctor and husband to someone who had one high-risk birth, he was very skeptical of our choice to go to a birthing center, even one affiliated with a hospital and just as close as going from one floor to another within a typical large hospital. Steve wasn't able to keep it a secret, however, and Mike was appropriately concerned - although to his credit, he was very discreet about his concern - at least to me. I'll have to ask Steve if they had a conversation about it.

Went to bed. Woke up at about 3:30 with the idea to do some yoga. During much of the last few months of my pregnancy, I frequently woke up wide awake at 4:30 or so (a completely new experience for someone who was typically groggy at 7:30, waking slowly to NPR). I went downstairs, set up a little nest in the corner and put on my yoga cd. Did that for about an hour, without noticing too much difference. I sat on the birth ball and listened to the music and did some breathing. This waiting wasn't really something I had expected. By about 5, I woke up Steve and we sat together. I realized that I felt like I didn't want to make progress until I was closer to the birthing center. We called the midwife (should clarify that "call" meant "page" and she called us) and she asked if we could wait a few hours until the contractions were more significant. I think I said I wasn't sure. She told us to meet her at Ballard House at about 9am.

So we got ready and drove down (I realize there are four hours between the call and the meet-up - not sure how those early-morning hours were passed, maybe making mix cds?), sitting on a pillow to reduce the effect of contractions which were coming ocassionally. Contractions! ha - that should really be in quotes. No wonder the midwife wanted me to wait!

She did a quick check and was going to suggest that we go out to take a walk on Cape Elizabeth but I just couldn't gather the motivation. It was a beautiful, sunny, and somewhat warm Sunday. It would have been a nice day for a walk but I was perfectly happy in the nice comfy birth suite.

My expectations for what would happen at this point were pretty different from what actually happened. I think I wanted to be at the birthing center because I thought the midwife would help me figure out what to do next. But instead, she mostly left Steve and I to myself. She checked in with us occasionally but she never offered much guidance. When you read fiction, the midwife is actively involved in the process, providing ideas about postures to try or things to think about. Of course, I suppose it was questionable how far along I was, but I remember feeling that this wasn't what I expected. My contractions had definitely increased but were still pretty small. We tried the ball but that was very painful so I was mostly laying on the bed in a curled-up fetal position. Not really in pain exactly but in discomfort. There were two midwives in the practice and I had a preference for which one I wanted to attend my birth b/c from my appointments, I always felt more comfortable with her. But it was the other midwife on call that weekend. I should read more birthing stories to know whether my experience was unusual or whether that support is only provided by a doula.

At about noon, I finally asked if I could try the birthing pool. The nurse (there already b/c she had taken care of a baby at an earlier birth that day and decided to stay) started the water. The midwife asked again if I wanted to try the ... enema ... (there I said it). She had repeatedly suggested this since our first visit after my water broke, and every time, I had the same shirking, horrified reaction. We were supposed to have done it at home but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. At this point, I asked for a detailed explanation of what it was, and what would happen. When she explained it, I realized that it was very different from what I thought - i had been picturing what I guess is a colon-cleanse. By comparison, an enema suddenly seemed doable, especially if it meant things would get started. The midwife was saying, although she didn't want to pressure me, that if things weren't moving by about 4pm, we would probably need to take a walk across the street (e.g. admit to the hospital). Soo.... I said I'd do it. Steve helped me with it, and WOW, yep, that did the trick. No need to get in the pool now. I went from stage 1 to stage 3 in about 20 minutes (or quiet labor to really active labor - you can see I'm doing this from memory b/c I don't remember the actual terms).

At this point, we finally used a mix cd. Actually, though, it wasn't even a mix - just a enya cd. Although the midwife and nurse were trying to get me to move around the room, I again wanted just to lay on my side. When I suddenly wanted to push, they started to guide me through it. I remember feeling very nervous at this point. I think this part was about 15 minutes of active pushing. It felt like it lasted forever and I can't imagine a typical two-hours of pushing. Steve was prepped to catch but when Sawyer actually came out, there were four other hands b/c he came so quickly. I remember not quite realizing that it had happened when suddenly this small, slightly purple, wet being is on my chest. There's a picture of me at this point looking down at him with a look on my face that clearly says "wait, how did THIS get here?"

I brought him to my breast and that, at least, seemed completely natural as he nuzzled against me. We went thru the after-birth activities (placenta, checking height/weight, trying to breastfeed, meeting the "discharge" criteria (eating, drinking, walking, peeing), snuggling, taking some pictures that I still adore, and maybe a little nap (is that possible?). During this time, our nurse was awesome. Just the best. I think the midwife left shortly after the birth actually happened (and come to think of it, I don't think I ever saw her again b/c the other midwife did my check-ups).

The actual act of trying to breastfeed was definitely more complicated than the initial nuzzling. It felt kind of natural and kind of like a brand-new skill that I had to learn really fast. But there weren't any issues and we were cleared to go home. We packed up him in several layers and drove home (again, me on pillow). We were home by about 6pm. Wendy, a very thoughtful neighbor (and wife to Mike mentioned above) had delivered a little gingerbread family (complete with icing for Joy, Steve, Sawyer) and a bowl of the most amazing spaghetti which we devoured. (I later learned the secret ingredient was ketchup. It now tops our list of comfort food.)

Sooo... that's the story for Sawyer Jensen Prescott, born November 27, 2005. Funny how the actual birth only took 10 lines to describe but this was a really long post. Overall, it was a good, relatively straightforward experience. Although my midwife wasn't warm and fuzzy, she did have the experience to know what was needed and probably kept us out of the hospital and possible interventions. I was glad I chose a birthing center although I'm not certain whether I would do it again - granted the midwives are different now but I wonder whether a hospital closer to home would be better. We'll see, I guess.

And now he's almost two!